5 Dirty Date Ideas to Turn Up the Heat with Your Significant Other
When the weird tram music starts up, dance seductively around the pole, all while dodging prams & drunk passengers. Unlock groundbreaking filth levels by sticking out your tongue and licking the pole.
Who says romance should always be prim and proper? If you’re looking to push the envelope in your relationship, we've rounded up five unforgettable, dirty date ideas. These pairings will help bring out your inner rebels—and, yes, potentially end up breathlessly closer than ever. Possibly in hospital.
1. Ride it, baby, and by it, we mean the tram!
Known for its efficiency and crowds, the tram is an ideal setting for a “fast and furious” date. Why not tell him to “suck on it”, while seductively handing him a cough sweet. Then, when that weird tram music starts up, dance seductively around the stabilising pole, all while dodging prams, suitcases, and drunk passengers.
Dirty Date Tip: Unlock groundbreaking filth levels by sticking out your tongue and licking the pole. It’ll be like the pandemic never happened!
2. Stop by Luxembourg’s red-light district
Luxembourg may not be Amsterdam but that doesn’t mean you can’t create your own red light district. Take your passions outdoors and seek out your nearest pedestrian crossing with your significant other. Stand for a tense 30 seconds as you wait for the light to change to red. Once it changes colour, sprint across the road, you wild little jaywalkers! This dirty date idea is as close to “forbidden” as things get. If you’re lucky, you’ll be hit by a Porsche and spend the night in hospital, where you can continue the date with a game of doctors and nurses while writing on each other’s leg casts.
Dirty Date Tip: Push the dirt envelope to 11 by sharing a sexy catheter together.
3. Dirty Dancing at home
Someone will be having the time of their life when you announce a night of Swayze-inspired dirty dancing. How to take the filth up to 11 without lifting a finger? Easy: don’t clean your home for a month.
Then all you need to do is artfully bump and grind over the dust bunnies formed from your dead skin, stepping around sticky spillages and unwashed crockery, and whisper something filthy in your SO’s ear, like: “I think that’s black mould in the bathroom!”
And don’t be surprised if you find yourself quoting the film by saying: “Nobody puts baby in the corner”, mostly because the corner is occupied by hair tumbleweed so big, you’ll consider inviting it for a threesome!
Dirty Date Tip: For a memorable end of the night, leave all the dirty laundry on the bed when you do the deed. You filthy animal!
4. Take your passions underground
Is it just me or is there something arousing about walking behind someone who is bent double in a deep, man-made shaft? The city’s most popular tourist destination, the Bock Casemates, is practically screaming out for couples to play hide the sausage in its back passages. Take your SO and seek out a dark corner to get nasty in one of its draughty and rat-filled galleries. Between the possibility that a tourist walks in on you or Gollum appears behind a rock (and who hasn’t wanted a threesome with Gollum whispering “my precious” into your ear?), you’ll be sure to have a memorable date.
Dirty Date Tip: While in the throes of lust, if your SO asks: “Is that a bat or are you just pleased to see me?” Reply: “Actually, I think it was a bat.”
5. Cinema orgy
There’s something effortlessly sexy about going to the cinema: being seated in a dark room, on plush seats which have certainly already been the setting of hundreds of hand jobs.
Turn up the dirty dial by choosing a cinema rumoured to have an outbreak of bedbugs (it’s an annual event in Luxembourg). This will be your chance to open up your relationship, just like he suggested when you went through that bad patch. Only this time, you’ll be immersed in an orgy of bed bugs, who’ll merrily chomp on your delicate expat skin while you watch an overpriced and forgettable movie.
The infuriatingly itchy bites will have you savagely rubbing your bodies together in no time, if nothing else to relieve the itching.
Dirty Date Tip: End the night with a romantic massage as you rub anti-itch cream onto the oozing red sores covering your bodies.
Whether it's the racy romance of the tram, the forbidden allure of a bug-infested cinema, a wild stroll at the pedestrian crossing, a coupling in a creepy passage or dancing around the household jobs in your own home, these thrilling date nights are sure to crank up the “dirty date” factor!
Just remember: in Luxembourg, anything can feel risqué with enough imagination and not enough awareness about basic hygiene.
Don’t miss our next issue when we’ll feature 5 date ideas set in Luxembourg for people with OCD.