Count Dracula’s masterclass on nailing expat life
Living in a foreign country, sometimes you’ll find that you have to hunt around for your favourite foods. Not everyone will appreciate that.
It’s never too late to start over in a new country. I was hundreds of years old when I first moved to England and I quickly made a name for myself. If I, Count Dracula, can master expat life, so can you!
If you burn easily in the sun, choose a country with limited sunlight. Luxembourg, for instance.
If land is expensive in your destination country, why not bring your own? I know I did. 50 crates of the stuff! Sure, I had to move mountains (and bodies) to get it there but the castle gardens have never looked better.
Don’t be afraid to bring cherished objects to your new home. Whether it is a knick knack, framed picture or sturdy oak panelled, red velvet-lined coffin, you will be thankful you brought them when the homesickness kicks in.
When looking for a castle to call home, make sure that it is well insulated to prevent the escape of heat, and other comforting things like the blood curdling screams of your victims.
If you lack the resources to purchase a castle, you can always spruce up your rented accommodation with some heavy, velvet drapes and a few coffin tables. Installing candles on wall sconces could also help cut your energy bills.
It might take a while to adjust to local cuisine. Living in a foreign country, sometimes you’ll find that you have to hunt around for your favourite foods. Not everyone will appreciate that.
Effective communication is crucial for successful integration. If, like me, you have a strong accent, people may not understand what you are trying to say. Clear communication can be ensured by writing down what it is you’re trying to say, in blood.
It upsets the neighbours (and landlord) if your wolves howl and eat the local cats. Consider keeping them indoors when the moon is full.
If your landlord raises the rent, why not feed him to the wolves.
Neighbours do not appreciate noisy interruptions from cars at night. If you plan to return home late, consider transforming yourself into a bat so as not to disturb your neighbours. Flying home is also a handy way to avoid congestion during rush hour.
Some people may not like goths in your host country. They will find you barbaric or believe stereotypes about you. Just be you, you crazy, night-loving weirdo!