I am beyond thrilled to announce a surprising new step in my career trajectory

After 5 years in real estate and then a further 4 years in recruitment, it was time to utilise my breathtaking skills for making things disappear (money or ambition) while giving back.

Thanks to the fantastic support of a career coach and the unemployment agency, I will now re-enter the workforce as Victor The Vortex! Friends can still call me Gary. 

After 5 years in real estate and then a further 4 years in recruitment, it was time to utilise my breathtaking skills for making things disappear (be it money or ambition, I’m your man!) while giving back to society. 

As a kid I had a thing for holding my breath under water, top hats and big bills. So, I did an Ikigai diagram and the answer was conclusive: either I should become a magician or Scrooge McDuck! And, since the pay at Disneyland sucks duck eggs, my career path quickly became clear. 

Then I realised I’d need to learn some magic tricks. Something more impressive than charming a girl into sitting on my magic wand, or making mould vanish in a decrepit old flat only for it to reappear once a contract has been signed. I needed the big guns. So, I called on the greatest mentalist of all time: Meta. Meta always knows just what I’m thinking. It’s uncanny.

Thanks to Meta, I found a magic coach who transformed my €5,000 into a series of complex and awe-inspiring illusions. I also did a night course in hypnotism, though I don’t remember much of it.

I now have a top hat, a cloak and can tell exactly what card you’re holding right. It is your credit card. 

That is because you will now click on this link to book tickets for my inaugural show: Victor The Vortex invites you to enter his vortex.

You will buy the expensive seats and after the show you will tell all your hot friends that Victor The Vortex is the best magician you’ve ever seen. Actually, you will tell them “he’s a standout guy. I can’t understand why he’s still single?”

For my next trick, I will make all of your problems disappear, if you vote for me in the elections.

Once I become Prime Minister, I will make top hats and magic lessons compulsory in all schools. Humble brag: I will also have a villa with a pool filled with gold coins and a paddock with tigers who are all cared for by a team of bikini models. 

And, from my throne in a marble-filled cave, I will make Luxembourg great again. 

My mentor was initially sceptical about the business plan. But after I waved my watch in front of his face, he quickly agreed to invest his life savings in the business. You too could be among the first investors. Just drop me a line. 

But now, I must disappear. I left my car parked in a 3-hour spot at Glacis and the ticket inspectors are immune to hypnotism.