I am the raclette cheese you left in the fridge in your house-share in 2010!
Don’t worry I’m not going to make a stink about it. Because while you were having fun at your overpriced shag pad, I’ve been growing exponentially...
Hey, Charles-Henri, long time no see! I’m guessing you got that promotion at PWC and that’s why you left me here, alone, in the fridge, with these newbs.
What, a 10-bed house share in Bonnevoie wasn’t good enough for a J2? The rent was pretty sweet when you were on a J1 salary. But then you got a taste of power and you had to move into your own 20m2 bachelor pad. And while you took the iron which, by the way, didn't belong to you, you forgot all about the left-over raclette cheese you carefully placed in a tupperware container.
Well, buddy, don’t worry I’m not going to make a stink about it. Because while you were having fun at your overpriced shag pad, I’ve been growing exponentially. That’s right. Over the last decade, my bacterial community has been expanding at the speed of an auditor getting in a round at an open bar reception and considerably faster than your Instagram following.
“Over the last decade, my bacterial community has been expanding at the speed of an auditor getting in a round at an open bar reception and considerably faster than your Instagram following”
Last week, our community reached 1 petaflop, not that we’re in competition. It’s just a number and honestly, when you get over a trillion it sort of grows on its own. What am I saying? It’s bloody fantastic! Though pretty soon, we’re gonna need a bigger container.
The current housemates affectionately refer to our swelling citadel as “the stain”. Sometimes they trot us out at parties and dare one another to eat a piece. Fucking Gen Z, eh? They’ve even dedicated a shelf to us in the fridge. Can you imagine that? There are 10 people living in this house and only 1 fridge. We have a shelf! I’ve never felt so seen!
One of the housemates is a hobby writer and reckons they can sell my life story…to Universal Studios. Life is banging, man! Sure, it hurt when you left without saying goodbye. But with the gift of hindsight, I can honestly say that leaving me behind was the best thing you could have done.
See you later, Charles-Henri and good luck with the tax advisory!