I’m the evil intern at LU-Alert sending terrifying SMS alerts. I can’t wait for you to receive my Halloween message!

I also initiated the terrifying buzzing message you received last week. I didn’t even know it could do that! Did you shit your pants? Come on, be honest, it was fire, right?

 

Hello there, I’m Leo, the author of the most well-read SMS messages in Luxembourg, which include “TEST TEST TEST/ Verglas, niveau orange”. No excuse for not fitting those winter tyres!

I also initiated the terrifying non-stop buzzing message you received last week. I didn’t even know it could do that! Did you shit your pants? Come on, be honest, it was fire, right?

Initially I was really pissed about the internship at LU-Alert. I’ve always known I’d be a writer when I finished my BAC and that I’m destined to write great things. But RTL and the Wort ghosted me. Fax!

I only got the LU-Alert gig because my neighbour’s cousin’s foot doctor’s girlfriend works there. Thanks Madame Weber, and sorry to hear you had a heart attack after the buzzing message. (Kind of serves her right for flexing her new phone)

But, am I glad I didn’t end up at any of those mid places. Because this internship is GOAT! I get my own spinning chair, with a view of all the cringe little people milling around in Kirchberg.

And the endless coffee breaks mean the alert system is constantly left unattended. They’re practically asking me to fool around with it. 

So get this: the last day of my internship is 31 October, Halloween! And I am working on sending out an SMS that will slay. Right now I’m torn between an announcement that a tsunami will wipe out Belgium and the west of Luxembourg, or a hybrid man-wolf is on the rampage in the Eislek or: “Your phone has been hacked, send €10,000 to this bank account and we won’t publish your compromising photos.”

The message will be accompanied by the buzz alarm plus an extra little surprise. You’re gonna love it!

I asked my older brother, Bob, which of the three was the most lit. He reckons they’re Gucci but too unbelievable. His actual words: “People might be happy about the tsunami cos we’d finally get a seaside!” He says I should focus on something like a massive interest rate spike but, money is basic. Also I don’t understand why that’s scary. 

All that to say, this internship has been lit. I can’t wait for you to read more of my work.

I’m finna set up my next internship. Lux Airport gives a good vibe or my mate’s dad works at Luxtrust and probably could get me a sweet internship there. Just imagine the fun I could have!