Impromptu dig suggests Aire de Berchem was ancient nomadic settlement, maybe

As night fell the archaeologist’s spade hit on a horse’s head. Further excavations revealed the carousel, which has been missing from the Schueberfouer for the past two years.

An archaeologist has shed light on ancient Luxembourg societies after her car broke down at a popular Luxembourg motorway service station.

Dr Iris Louise Beback, a lecturer at the University of Flotsambubble, was on her way to a conference in France when she fancied a Magnum ice cream. She pulled into the Aire de Berchem service station on the A3 motorway.

The shop was out of Magnums, so she reluctantly bought a Cornetto and spent €25 on things she didn’t need, like 3 sudoku books, a Gelle Fra made out of fudge (for her nephew) and 5 kilos of pipe tobacco. When it was time to leave, two hours later, her Audi A4 would not start. 

While waiting for the dépanneur, Dr I.L. Beback’s gaze fell on a curious mound in the desolate plot of land called the play area. 

“It resembled the burial mounds of the Treveri, a Belgic tribe, who made barrows in the shape of a giant asparagus or a penis, depending how you look at it.”

Dr I.L. Beback knew there was something beneath the dog turds, discarded nappies and expired covid tests, so she reached for her trusty spade and got digging. 

Her haul exceeded all expectations: A tin container with curious coins that had holes in them and the words “elephant bleu” etched onto each face; a buckle from a 2010 belt, believed to be Hugo Boss, and hundreds of tubular shaped containers with the cryptic words “Red Bull” on them.

The archaeologist believes that ancient societies connected the latter with wool and used them as early telephones. The coins, meanwhile, are thought to have been gifts left to an ancient tribal God of water and soap and brushes.

As night fell the archaeologist’s spade hit on a horse’s head. Further excavations revealed the carousel, which has been missing from the Schueberfouer for the past two years and was believed to be in a warehouse in Nancy. 

It was around midnight that Dr I.L. Beback hit the jackpot. In a 10 metre pit, she found what appeared to be the remains of an ancient house on wheels. 

“It suggests that the Aire de Berchem was once occupied by nomadic peoples who, judging by the receipts found in the house, travelled all over Europe,” the archaeologist explained. 

Beside the nomadic house were found the rusty exhaust of a 1990s Yugo Cabrio.

“This is groundbreaking,” the archaeologist said between triumphant puffs on her pipe. “It proves that at some point, in Luxembourg people actually drove shitty cars.” 

The University of Flotsambubble is now in talks with the owners of the Aire de Berchem to create a museum at the site so that these incredible finds can be enjoyed by the public.