Luxembourg, a must-have for any wannabe oppressor
Your coup will likely go unnoticed, unless it means a nationwide pay rise, a new Uniqlo store or a free carafe d’eau! Then you’ll have the population lapping tapwater out of your hands!
Are you an aspiring autocrat looking to take on a new country? Then you’ll love this bijou duchy! Constructed circa 1815, and overlooking neighbours on three sides, it is situated in the heart of Europe, perfect for the modern-day despot who likes to jet around!
The compact country comes with all the mod cons: booming economy, functioning public transport and sunlight, for three days of the year.
Luxembourg has a population of around 650k residents, half of which are foreign and pay little attention to the local news so your coup will likely go unnoticed, unless it means a nationwide pay rise, or a new Uniqlo store or a free carafe d’eau! Then you’ll have them lapping tapwater out of your hands!
The natives are polyglots so they will teach you about your language. They will be delighted to add yours to the school curriculum. What’s another language when you already speak ten?
Politicians are well-versed at brushing embarrassing situations under the carpet so will be only too happy to pretend that your take-over was part of a new strategy called let’s make Luxembourg roll over for its new overlord!
Luxembourg’s national pastime is leaving one's overpriced home to take a plane somewhere sunny or snowy, so remember to plan your invasion during Ski Vakanz, Easter, July-August-September and the Black Friday sales.
Invasion is possible by public transport, which is free of charge. However, if timing is important and you are coming from Germany, we recommend avoiding Deutsche Bahn. Invasion by bicycle is also strongly discouraged as this mode of transport tends to elicit hostilities even if your intentions are not a seizure of power.
If you’re looking to blend in seamlessly during your invasion, we recommend an army of four-wheel-drive vehicles which the drivers park one car across three parking spaces. Disregarding the rules of roundabouts is also a smart way to pass unseen.
If your take-over tips you over budget, you can always loot any of the country’s numerous banks to boost your coffers. Having your own private bank will also come in handy, especially if you plan to participate in any of the local traditions like the Schueberfouer or Christmas markets.
What are you waiting for? Grab your very own duchy while you can.
Happy invading!