Luxembourg traditions to explore now that you aced national day
Gëlle car: The act of treating your car as if it was so precious you would think it was made of gold.
Auchan seems empty and yet why is it that every time I look at chocolate, someone ramming a trolley into my ankles?
Feeling smugly patriotic after spending 22 June drinking your bodyweight in beer and crémant and sleeping beneath a Luxembourg flag at the foot of the Gëlle Fra statue, beside a puddle of your own vomit? Why not further enhance your Luxembourg credentials by embracing these lesser-known local traditions.
Abandoned Day Trips: Congratulations, you’ve successfully discovered life beyond the city and have planned a trip to some stunning castle or vineyard. But, what’s this? Your train has been cancelled? Your little toe is hurting or you are hungover as shit and have to cancel the entire thing. See also Gëlle Nah!
Auchan Olympics: The Saturday food shop in Auchan–a cutthroat event in which athletes compete in the disciplines of hate (did you just ram your trolley into my ankles?), fear (wait, was that Dan from accounts? But, I’m not wearing any makeup) and confusion (Who put condoms in my trolley? Shit, this isn’t my trolley!).
Bise Bop: While trying to give someone the bise greeting kiss, accidents can occur. For instance you may accidentally kiss someone on the lips, headbutting them or end up having their kid.
Empty Room Ecstasy: When your favourite band from home comes to play in Luxembourg has heard of them so you get to stand at the feet of your icon/crush and let their sweat fall onto your face like star-scented raindrops.
Gëlle car: The act of treating your car as if it was so precious you would think it was made of gold. Includes parking over two or three parking spaces to avoid scrapes with other vehicles, taking it to the car wash every week and whispering “I love you” into its radiator.
Gëlle Nah!: The act of deciding not to do something patriotic. For instance on 22 June, instead of celebrating the Duke’s birthday standing in puddles of strangers’ urine and vomit, you stay on the sofa at home under a pile of blankets because: lush!
Grompereburn#1: Burning your tongue while eating your gromperekichelcher too fast.
Grompereburn#2: Getting heartburn after eating your gromperekichelcher too fast.
Grompereburn#3: Running the ING marathon to burn off the gromperekichelcher’s gazillion calories.
Have you experienced a Schuebershower or ever been a Schuebersour? Enjoy these traditions in August and September.
Light Rage: Getting incandescently angry at the driver of the Citroen in front who waited too long at the green light at the Schuman Roundabout and by the time they moved, the light went red and you were stuck. I feel for you.
Lunch burn: The first day of sunshine of the year when you eat lunch on a sunny terrace and then take a sick day from work to nurse your second-degree sunburn.
Mover’s Bliss: Moving out of a mould-filled, ten-room house share in Bonnevoie!
Mover’s Flushness: Getting your deposit back from the landlord of a mould-filled, ten-room house share in Bonnevoie!
Schuebersour: It’s a little known fact that Luxembourg’s annual funfair the Schueberfouer was invented by someone who hated Limpertsberg. With 3.5 kilometres of bright lights, music and vomit, it’s perhaps understandable that the Schuebie leaves some people in a slightly sour mood.
Schuebershower: When John the Blind first instituted the Schueberfouer in 1340 (the rides were a bit shit then, to be fair, just sheep racing and seal clubbing), he decreed: “Let it rain on our parade”. And it has ever since. A Schueberfouer without Schuebershowers is a rare experience.
Spaing without colleagues: Not to be confused with ‘sparring with colleagues’, spaing without colleagues refers to the act of finding a sauna to relax in without fear of being spotted by a colleague.