Some expats plan to stay for 2 years. For me it was 2 days!

I am a late millennial though so, you know, creative about how I express my existential dread. Most weekends I’d try to outrun it by flying somewhere new and fun.

Why did I move to Luxembourg? Well, it was back in the roaring ‘20s. Flappers were a thing. Although at that time we called them Gen Z because they were always getting a flap about the environment. 

I am a late millennial though so, you know, creative about how I express my existential dread. Most weekends I’d try to outrun it by flying somewhere new and fun, anywhere FOH as long as the tickets were cheap and I didn’t need extra clothing (Cuz didn’t wanna pay for luggage DUH!). At the time, I was working for a marketing company in London, a job that I low-key liked but the money was Gucci.  

Birdy, my all-time fave singer, was playing a concert in Luxembourg and weirdly the tickets were cheaper than in Wembley. For a hot moment I thought, Luxembourg, is that a skiing place? I low-key hate skiing since our school trip when I lost my class in a blizzard and peed myself to keep warm. Also, I didn’t want to have to take extra warm clothes on a plane because luggage=expensive. A quick Google search told me that there was no skiing in Luxembourg. Good. Plus, I did the girl math and compared to Wembley, the whole package, including budget airline flights, youth hostel and carry on luggage, would leave me with enough left over to buy some overpriced Birdy merch. And, I’d get to see a country my annoying friend Mia has never been to before, so that was dope.

Luxembourg, I learned, is basic Switzerland: overpriced watches, fancy cars and cows. But without the skiing. So, actually better than Switzerland!

It was an eye-opening experience. You know TFW you’re in another country and you’re lost and have to communicate with hand signals. Ofc, I kept my headphones on constantly to avoid having to actually speak to anyone. Even during the concert, which was banging. I mean, I was so close to the stage, I could almost touch Birdy. But to do that I would have had to ask for consent and it would be rude to interrupt her while she was singing. JK, I touched her! She was like fire! 

The next day the plane was due to leave cray early. But when I arrived at the airport, a big delayed sign flashed up on the screen.

While I waited, I’d drank 5 overpriced cappuccinos and was desperate for the toilet. I almost walked into the men’s toilets by accident before I found the ladies. All I had to do was look for the queue, ofc. The ladies toilets were being cleaned, which was why we were waiting for like ever. It was really cold even though it was summer and at one point I considered peeing myself to keep warm. But then these Chads kept coming over, walking into the space we were queuing in front of, like they were going to jump the queue and use our toilets. I was like: “These are the ladies toilets. The men’s are over there!” This happened like 20 times. And that’s kind of how it all started. I built my team from the other women waiting in the queue and we would take it in turns to direct men to their toilets. It could all have ended there if my flight hadn’t been Louis CK’d (cancelled). 

I had spent every last cent I had on airport coffee. I was broke and about to call my parents for money when I saw a billboard in the terminal: Do you have a startup idea that could change the world? Pitch today for a chance to join our programme.

It was like the universe had my back and knew what I wanted before I did. Goals AF! On my phone I dashed out a pitch for a startup that was desperately needed at Luxembourg airport: someone to direct people to the toilets. Within a few days, I received a reply saying I’d been accepted for the programme. I’ve been living at the airport ever since. I’m now hoping to raise Seed funding for my startup, which I’ve called: “The men’s are over there, Chad!”

Humble brag, it’s going so well, I’m expanding to Charleroi!

So, anyway, gotta bounce, here comes another Chad who looks like he needs the toilet. This startup doesn’t run itself!

Glossary

FOH: F*ck outta here

TFW: That feeling when

GAF: Goals as f*ck

ofc: Of course

Gucci: Good, cool, fashionable, or excellent

Chad: Young, upper-class, urban males