The Gelle Fra's gratitude list
I am grateful for rainbows, because rainbows make people look up from their tiny screens and remember there is beauty in this world. And by beauty, I mean me.
As Luxembourg’s leading lady, the Gelle Fra (golden lady), marks a century of observing Luxembourg City, she shares the things that make her grateful.
I am grateful for drones. For decades my adoring fans took unflattering photos of me from ground level. Upskirting much?! Finally, drone pilots are finding my best angles. And boy do I look hot! Not bad for a bitch who’s just turned a century!
I am grateful for my kick-ass core. Back when I was young enough to date Leonardo DiCaprio, we didn’t have gyms. I shit you not, I thought an abdominal was a mythical black beast with white spots. Now I have the core of a gym bunny on a keto diet, with a pirate-level fetish for planks. You too could have this amazing core. All it takes is holding a wreath in front of you, for 100 years.
I am grateful for chairs. I haven’t sat down since 1923. My feet are killing me.
The tram. One of the simple pleasures in life is seeing the forlorn faces of the commuters smooshed up against the tram’s colourful glass windows. Makes me realise my life isn’t so bad after all.
Free public transport. You can travel anywhere in Luxembourg. And sit down. All free of charge. What’s that you ask, how can a statue travel? The answer is: in style. I once flew to Shanghai with Cargolux. The service wasn’t great: they didn’t even offer me a glass of crémant. When we landed, I was in pieces. But who hasn’t felt like that after a long-haul flight? When you have time, I’d love to show you my holiday snaps.
When I tell people my age, most people are surprised. “You don’t look a day over 21”, they say. “What’s your secret?”. The answer is that I have a very expensive moisturising regime called the Luxembourg weather. Deeply hydrating. All that to say that I am grateful for the Luxembourg weather.
I am grateful for rainbows, because rainbows make people look up from their tiny screens and remember there is beauty in this world. And by beauty, I mean me. Yes, that’s when they see the tallest and toughest bitch in Luxembourg. You’re welcome!
I am grateful to the Kardashians for making big hips fashionable again.
I am going to stick my neck out and say that I am grateful for green energy. Hear me out. In my younger days when everyone drove big gas-guzzling cars, even bigger gas-guzzling cars than today, I couldn’t see my feet because of the smog. Thanks to green energy the air quality is much improved enabling me to watch people and boy do you do some weird stuff! The other day I watched a guy picking up a dog turd. Back in my day, we used dogs to herd sheep. Now they’re herding humans. What is wrong with you people?
I’m grateful for dating apps. It’s how I met my current beau, Alessandro. He looks like Robert Pattinson, has his own drone and is a good size fit for me, judging by his dick pics. We’ve only ever exchanged messages through the app. The one time we tried to meet in person, he sat at the base of my plinth staring at his phone screen. For once it wasn’t raining, which was a shame because at least then there would have been a rainbow and then Alessandro would have looked up and seen that it’s me, the girl in the profile. After that he messaged me and said that I was a ‘catfish’. Classic autocorrect mistake. Clearly he meant a ‘catch’. Who wouldn’t be happy to date Luxembourg’s most-photographed woman?
So, when shall we meet so that I can show you my holiday photos?