The Luxembourg Team Marathon: A Masterclass in Creative Avoidance

For those of us who believe that "carbo-loading" is a standalone activity and not just a pre-run necessity, here are some tried-and-tested strategies for gracefully bowing out of the company team run.

Ah, the ING Night Marathon Luxembourg. That time of year when colleagues suddenly discover a passion for long-distance running—or, more commonly, a passion for long-distance excuses. Sure, team spirit is great, but do you know what else is great? Not running.

For those of us who believe that "carbo-loading" is a standalone activity and not just a pre-run necessity, here are some tried-and-tested strategies for gracefully bowing out of the company team marathon.

1. The Temporary Resignation Approach

"Oh, that was this weekend? I’m so sorry—I appear to have left the company. Not forever, just a short sabbatical. For one evening. I’ll see you Monday!"

An excellent choice if your boss has a sense of humour. Risky if HR starts processing your exit paperwork.

2. The International Supporter

"My spirit animal is a sloth. But I’d be happy to cheer you on. From home. In France."

The added international border adds credibility. Plus, everyone knows cross-border support is just as meaningful as physical participation.

3. The Competing Priorities Excuse

"I’m sorry, but I’m already taking part in another marathon that day. On Netflix!"

Endurance is endurance, whether it’s on foot or on the couch through an eight-hour binge.

4. The Technical Loophole

"I would love to. But just to be sure—I can do it in my car, right? I mean, I will get there quicker."

Fastest lap time wins, right? No? Fine.

“I can do it in my car, right? I mean, I will get there quicker.”

5. The Romantic Commitment

"After I did the Couch to 5K, I fell in love with the couch. Now we’re inseparable. In fact, we’re getting married on that very same day. Good luck!"

Try saying it with a straight face. Bonus points if you invite colleagues to the wedding reception (which coincidentally features pizza and zero running).

6. The Perpetual Marathoner

"Like the boss always says: it’s not a sprint, it’s a marathon… and I’m still trying to finish off the relay from last year."

Who’s to say you’re not still metaphorically running?

7. The Medical Setback

"I appear to have worn out my feet. They’ve got a hole in them. I need to get a new pair and wear them in. It could take some time. Maybe it’s best I sit this one out."

Footwear emergencies are not to be taken lightly. Neither is your unwavering commitment to avoiding blisters.

“"I appear to have worn out my feet. They’ve got a hole in them!”

8. The Psychological Barrier

"I have this phobia of endings. I just don’t see myself crossing the finish line."

An artistic, existential approach. Watch people nod in fake understanding while slowly backing away.

9. The Unbelievable Workaholic

"I’m sorry, I’ll be working that day. Yes, I’m aware it’s a Saturday. And yes, I know the office is closed."

They’ll either admire your dedication or question your grasp on reality. Either way, you’re off the hook.

10. The “Unfortunate” Scheduling Conflict

"Oh no, I would have loved to, but I have an appointment with my fridge. Very important. Non-cancellable."

Because hydration (from a bottle of wine) and carb-loading (via an entire baguette) require careful planning.

Over to you. What excuses have you heard or used to wriggle out of the team run?