Trainee auditor declares bankruptcy after pharmacy visit
Discovers Luxembourg just too expensive for human frailty.
In a chilling case of flu-induced financial ruin, 27-year-old Vicente Soares has declared bankruptcy after purchasing cold medicine from a Luxembourg pharmacy—only to discover that none of it was covered by the CNS.
Housemates confirm Soares has officially gone broke, despite not being a company, not owning property, and possessing assets limited to a wobbly IKEA desk and a cocktail shaker he “liberated” from his previous flatshare.
“I was delirious with fever when I went in, so I didn’t realise how much they charged me until I got home,” Soares groaned, clutching a receipt longer than his internship contract.
The trainee auditor admitted he avoided seeing a doctor to save money, explaining, “I didn’t want to front the cash and then wait 10 weeks for CNS to reimburse me—assuming they don’t lose my paperwork first.”
However, his housemates suspect the real reason: “It wasn’t actual flu. Just man flu.”
Undeterred by medical opinion, Soares dragged himself to the nearest pharmacy, where he panic-bought a nasal spray, an assortment of pills, and some aggressively marketed cough sweets that taste like despair.
“The pharmacist was incredibly helpful—too helpful, in hindsight,” he sighed. “I tried returning the stuff when I saw the price, but apparently Luxembourg pharmacies don’t do refunds. At this point, I’m considering selling my kidney just to break even.”
Despite assurances from his housemates that at least he’s no longer wheezing dramatically, Soares remains furious.
“In the end, I have to accept reality: I simply can’t afford to be sick in Luxembourg. That’s on me. Next time, I’ll just embrace my fate.”
At press time, Soares was seen calling his parents in Portugal, subtly hinting at the dire financial strain of “building a future abroad.”
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