Would you rather be alone in the woods with a bear or a man or…

Be alone at the gynaecologist wondering if the probe for the smear test has gone so deep it has touched your soul and is now making your ears bleed

The question that has social media on fire receives a new twist for Luxembourg.

Would you rather be alone in the woods with a bear or a man…

Or be backpacking alone in Australia and now you’ve lost your hostel key. But then you meet a cute guy with a sexy French accent who lets you sleep in his bunk. He says he lives in Luxembourg and, because you’ve been doing work on yourself to build self-confidence and trust, you agree to move in together? 

Or be alone in the soulless reception of a funds company in Luxembourg (or at least you think that’s what they do), waiting to be interviewed for a job, wondering if this is really what your horoscope meant by taking risks?

Or be alone spending your last €250 on a shampoo, trim and brushing and a manicure to celebrate getting a job that you didn’t really want but the money is good and they have free fruit and your interviewer looked more like a movie star going to the Oscar’s rather than an HR director, so now it’s time to pull your socks up and look a presentable? 

Or be alone in your car in bumper to bumper traffic, on the A31 for Thionville where you now live with your boyfriend who, when you ask: “Didn’t you say you lived in Luxembourg”, vehemently denies it before explaining that the bread and croissants are much better in France. Even in Thionville?

Or be alone at the gynaecologist wondering if the probe for the smear test has gone so deep it has touched your soul and is now making your ears bleed and then realise they’re bleeding because of the German schlager music playing in the background?

Or be the only one of your new friendship group who doesn’t want to evenly split the bill at the trendy Luxembourg restaurant 5 ways. But, you don’t want to be seen as difficult so pay €50 for a disappointing Caesar Salad and a Coke Zero!

Or be alone at the bed store, unsuccessfully trying to get a refund on a mattress topper that you thought you had on trial but something got lost in translation and now instead of a refund, you own 50 memory foam pillows and have decided if the funds job doesn’t work out, you will become a memory foam pillow salesperson?

Or be alone at the post office returning a Burberry handbag you bought online to celebrate passing your probation period even though no-one had told you you had passed–that’s how confident you were–only to discover that you hadn’t passed your probation period and are now unemployed and in debt?

Or be alone in the woods, hugging a tree (who you did not ask for consent), to help regain your confidence after you failed to keep a job you didn’t enjoy, and then realising that you’ve made a terrible life choice concerning your French boyfriend?

Or be alone in your flat in Thionville, enjoying the view of the car park below where someone has set fire to a van, and being thankful that your French boyfriend is staying with a friend in Luxembourg to give you some space and thinking: “Maybe he’s a keeper after all!”?

Or be alone running the longest section of the ING marathon team run with your ex-company because even though you don’t work there any more, no-one else wanted to do it, and they offered you a free sauna voucher as an incentive.

Or be alone at the sauna recovering from the team run. But hang on a minute, you’re not alone! Isn’t that Carole from accounting? And over by the water fountain is your boyfriend kissing another woman who, it turns out, is the “friend” he’s been staying with in Luxembourg. FFS!!?

Or be alone in the woods looking for your key to the flat in Thionville, because you lost the key while out on a mindfulness walk to process your poor life decisions?

Or be alone in the woods pitching a tent because you’ve lost your home key and you now live in the woods and although you could phone your ex to come and let you in you just don’t want to give him the satisfaction. And would rather take your chances with a bear or any other man?