The Alternative Expat Guide to Luxembourg

The Alternative Expat Guide to Luxembourg

Home
Notes
Archive
About
How to Keep Burglars Out of Your Home This Summer (According to Paranoid, Sleep-Deprived Expats)
Why just lock your doors when you can go full Home Alone meets NATO intelligence agency?
 • 
Jess Bauldry
1
I Blocked Your View at the Kinnekswiss Concert, and I’ll Do It Again
By 9 pm, I’d blocked views at the Philharmonie in the park, Meute at Neimënster, Martin Garrix at Luxexpo, and some Portuguese cover band performing out…
 • 
Jess Bauldry

June 2025

Signs Your Luxembourg Pension Plan Might Actually Be a Pyramid Scheme
So you came to Luxembourg for the high salaries, low crime, and free buses. But lately, something about your pension plan feels… off.
 • 
Jess Bauldry
1
Help, I’m a Fly Trapped in a Belair Apartment and This Is My Final Buzz
At first, it was bliss. A dream. A buffet of semi-digested shawarma and week-old pizza crusts thanks to Charles’ heroic refusal to ever take out the…
 • 
Jess Bauldry
An Open Letter from Her Nautical Highness, the Princess Marie-Astrid
I was once the vessel of visionary statesmanship. Now I’m referred to in Tripadvisor reviews as "a charming floating café with surprisingly clean…
 • 
Jess Bauldry
1
Luxembourg Issues 72-Hour Survival Kit
In these unprecedented times, anything can happen. Floods, blackouts, war with Belgium over chocolate tariffs—nothing can be ruled out anymore. Except…
 • 
Jess Bauldry
2
I Lost My Girlfriend Somewhere Around Kilometre 17 — But Found Myself (and Possibly a Hernia)
1 kilometre in and I knew I had what it took to hit 4-minute kilometres—I just needed to drop the dead weight. That dead weight, as it turns out, was…
 • 
Jess Bauldry

May 2025

I Don’t Vote in Elections, But I Voted in Eurovision and That’s Basically the Same Thing
“It’s literally an international referendum on nationalism, soft power, and whose ballad makes you cry in a glitter cape”
 • 
Jess Bauldry
1
Garden expo allows expats to cosplay as landowners
Experience nature like never before — shared, simulated, and strictly temporary.
 • 
Jess Bauldry
1
Luxembourg restaurants introduce €4.99 ‘artisanal tap water experience’
Luxembourg’s restaurant owners have introduced an artisanal tap water experience in a bid to appease critics while ensuring they can make ends meet.
 • 
Jess Bauldry

April 2025

Life was better in the past: A rant from a battle-hardened expat (of two whole years)
I was here before the Pret in Hamilius opened, before you could whisper "oat milk" into the wind and summon a barista on an electric unicycle.
 • 
Jess Bauldry
1
How to file your Luxembourg tax declaration (explained by an intern who’s had enough)
Filing taxes is rarely fun—unless you’re either deeply weird or an accountant. If you're the latter, please slide into my DMs immediately because I need…
 • 
Jess Bauldry
© 2025 Jess Bauldry
Privacy ∙ Terms ∙ Collection notice
Start writingGet the app
Substack is the home for great culture